ON SINGLENESS IN YOUR 30s

Being single in your 30s is a very mixed bag of emotions and experiences. On one hand, you can usually afford to do whatever you want and don’t have to check in with anyone if you want to take a girls trip or buy a new bag, etc. But on the other hand, at times it’s lonely and being around your married/happy friends is the LAST place you want to be.

I was recently out with some girls and we were talking about all sorts of things. Naturally, married life came up and they were sharing some funny stories about their husbands. While this didn’t bother me at all, I thought about another friend who is in a low place right now and how it might have affected her differently.

Not Enough

While we may have just about everything we’ve always wanted and have the world at our fingertips, you don’t get to be single and in your 30s without riding a pretty big emotional roller coaster. I have had MANY freaking amazing experiences in my life, but at times have felt so low that I thought I was single because of something I had done or hadn’t done. I would tornado out of control in the “not enoughs.” This ranged anywhere from I’m not skinny enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not nice enough, and the list went on. It’s a pretty ugly place to be because all the introspection really just leads to self-hate.

No matter how many awesome career opportunities or travel experiences cross your path, the “not enoughs” can creep in at a moment’s notice. And this is typically something we don’t share with those who love us because frankly, a pity party is no fun when someone tries to make you snap out of it!

Too Much

And then there’s a time when your dearest friends and family tries to “help” you. Sometimes they set you up on dates and sometimes they try to give you advice. This can lead to the you’re too forward, you’re too independent, you’re too dry, you’re too quiet (this one has obviously never been said to me) conversations. All said in love and with the most wonderful of intentions, these helpful bits of advice can really hurt us, too. After wallowing in our pool of “not enoughs”, to hear now that we’re “too much” is so confusing and stressful; it feels as if we can’t win.

Who To Blame

These mini bouts of depression and single girl sadness are hard for any woman, but for those who believe in God and that He has a grand plan for our life, it’s VERY easy to shake our fist in blame at Him. We question why He’s doing this to us and when is His lesson/plan going to be revealed…or worse. I’ve fought the urge and lost a number of times of feeling like God is punishing me for some unknown sin. And I know very well that He doesn’t work like that…

Now What?!

Thankfully, I’m in a really great place right now, but when I think of my friend who is single and hurting, I so easily remember that not long ago, I was in the exact same boat and that it’s happened FAR more than once. I knew to just listen and not give her platitudes or encouragement because really, I knew that it wouldn’t have mattered…just being there is all she needed.

Rachel and I were talking last week about the lack of content on the interwebs for single women. Apparently, a lot of the bloggers out there are married/family types! {smirk} So, rather than just walking away from that conversation empty handed, I decided to open up and share a little here. I don’t have all the answers and don’t promise to always be this upbeat, but maybe my little words can help fill the void…and maybe even encourage some other single gals and help our married friends and family understand a little better about where we’re coming from.