One of my dear friends is in the middle of a fight with depression…and I feel helpless. I honestly don’t know what to do.
I pray for her, chat with her, just hang out when she needs a buddy, and my heart hurts for her.
I’ve never really experienced this before and I wish I could do something to help…but I know that this is a journey that many people have to walk on alone.
If this is something you personally have dealt with (first, I’m sending you a big virtual hug), can you please let me know how I can be a good friend and what I can do for her? And if one of your loved ones has walked this road, how best did you care for them?
I truly believe we were created to live in community, and many of us singles become urban families. I want her to feel loved and supported during this difficult time and know she’s not alone…
Your advice is truly appreciated.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing. I suffered through a severe bout of depression several years ago and it is a like changing experience. It is a real problem and you can’t just snap out of it. I knew that I was depressed, but felt like there was no way I could ever get myself out. My usual cheerful self was suddenly seeing the cup as half empty (or less) instead of half full. I am so grateful for my friends and family who stuck by me and who didn’t try to fix me. They still called, texted and invited me to events, but didn’t give me a hard time if I just couldn’t make it. If I did manage to make it too an event, but then felt too tired or overwhelmed, even if we had been there less than an hour, they never made me feel bad, but offered me encouragement. As a single person, I don’t think I could have made it through this time without the support of my loved ones. So, all that is to say, keep on loving her and praying for her. If the time comes that you feel like she might hurt herself, you need to be the bad guy and tell her she needs more help. She may not like you for a short period of time, but she will love you for it when she works through her depression.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey and for the advice!!!
Blessings,
JJ
I can’t believe the first time I am writing about this is in the COMMENT SECTION of someone else’s blog, but here is my advice:
*Pray for her. Every day.
*Many people who deal with depression seek isolation so please impress upon her that you aren’t going to let her spin into a hole of darkness and drift away. BE THERE. Even when she doesn’t want you there. She will never forget that. When someone is going through a hard time, the easiest thing to do is just let them “work it out” and tell ourselves that we are giving them “time”. Don’t do that.
Even if it annoys them-BE THERE. (which i know you will be).
*Pray again.
Thanks, girl. I appreciate your advice and will be sure to use it!!!
As someone who suffers from it, i agree with what the other commenters say. I’ve slipped into the hole of darkness a few times myself. I have to say that even if your friend says she is ok, she is fine, she really isnt. and its ok to be there for them even in quiet. The few times when it has gotten really bad for me, i wanted someone around me but i didnt want to talk until i was ready. and then i only just needed someone to listen to me, watch tv with me, bring me things that brought me comfort. just keep doing what you are doing and make sure you check in with her even if it’s a quick text message. not every contact has to be a long conversation. make sure she is seeing someone, a professional and offer to make her an appt and take her there. the hardest part for me when i am like that is taking that step.
Keep praying for her and keep being present to her pain, whether through listening or simply sitting together. As helpless as you feel, she likely feels more helpless. It’s hard to see a way out when you’re depressed. And unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do or say that will be the key to her beating this. That said, she needs good people supporting her during this time and she’s lucky to have you in her corner. I hope that she is seeing a counselor to explore any root causes. Counseling was one of the best gifts I ever gave myself while I was in college.
Something that could be helpful for her and for you is the book Not Alone (for some reason, I can’t link to it here but it’s edited by Alise Wright and available on Amazon, etc.) It’s a hope-filled but honest collection of stories from people who either live with or have survived depression. And in the spirit of disclosure, I am a contributor but I’d recommend it even if my story wasn’t included.
Ciao from Italia – I can’t say I’ve ever been diagnosed with “depression” or taken medication for it or anything along those lines, but I believe we’ve all been in a dark room from time to time and may need some help in finding the light switch. About a month ago I felt like I was almost suffocating and after a few glorious talks with friends and some straight up advice, I can honestly say my light switch is back on and I’ve found my way again. My girlfriend who battled with depression and sought out counseling for it gave me the awesome advice to try something new every week. Whether that be a new cafe, walking the dog somewhere new, a new recipe… just something where I felt like I was contributing to my soul and trying new things. I wrote a blog post about it last week and hope that maybe your friend would find it interesting or helpful. Blessings to you both!
http://tessatauschek.blogspot.com/2011/11/something-new-challenge.html
I have fallen in and out of depression several times. I knew that people cared for me and we’re trying to help me in any way they could. What my friends and family did for me that was most helpful were being there for me (physically, emotionally, etc) in little ways. I was someone who would go to work but then go home and want to stay home and isolate. I wanted to stay in and watch trash tv while reading magazines. Join me. Laugh with me. Encourage a walk or grocery shopping. I was always able to function, but little things became an enormous effort so offer to do those errands and getting out of the house WITH them. Encourage, but don’t push. If you push too hard they may withdraw from you. Also, if you’re not there physically…text or call just to say hi, see how there day was, and if they don’t want to share, tell them something funny about your day. When I’m depressed I hate talking on the phone so emails and texts were perfect for me. I could respond when I felt like, but even if I didn’t respond, I knew they were thinking about me. And snail mail of a cute card or just saying hi is always a nice, concrete reminder that there is another side to life.
Sorry I rambled, but hope it helped!