Something has been bothering me about the Gentleman Caller for a month or so now and I finally have it figured out:
He’s no Edward, Rhett, or even Mr. Darcy.
Yes, I’m 35 years old and I am completely surprised to learn that love stories are not at all like well, love stories. I’m quick people, real quick.
When I was in HS, I was first introduced to romance novels. As a senior, I worked at a Christian bookstore for about five minutes and read just about every single book in the fiction section (speed reader over here). In college, I thought I might want to become a writer and actually double majored in poli sci and creative writing. As you can see, one of those majors dominated the other. However, in all of my free time, I read A LOT…and not political histories.
When I was 20 and living in the sorority house, I did not have a fake ID. My friends would head out to the bars on Friday and Saturday nights and they’d often find me reading a novel on their way out. Those stories gave me hope, fed my romanticism, and frankly filled me with lies.
While I still love a good tale of romance and see everyday proof of love all around me, I’ve completely forgotten that it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Heros and heroines have messy lives and sometimes are exhausted, sick, or too stressed out to make grand gestures, if ever.
Men and women often have different love languages and personalities. Sometimes their cultural differences or family lives have taught them to show affection in vastly different ways.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t have real regard for one another…and that sometimes, instead of literally being swept off your feet or flung over the back of a horse while escaping highlanders, couples just have to have open and honest conversations about feelings…gasp!
And that’s how I’ve learned that relationships are not like romance novels…and that the GC is still (so far) the right one for me.
Soo very true….but we can always have our teen angst, even if we know that real life isn’t like those novels.
If there were a LIKE button on this entry, I’d hit it a million times.
Girl, you and I need to talk
Art never has been nor will he ever be the romantic grand gesture type. BUT, sometimes, they still surprise you. And you know what, when they do it’s even BETTER than if he did that stuff all the time! I promise. For instance Art has never once planned a vacation or trip for us. It’s always me findign the destinations, making all the arrangements. When I was creating my Life List I said we need to add tropical destinations to travel. Well when i was away he did some reserach and just sent a simple email to me with a couple of links for tropical vacations. Just the tiniest gesture like that made me smile 
A hard yet important lesson to learn! So happy you’re happy!
you are brilliant JJ! that is why i like those books…emotional porn…
i love this! my girlfriend and i were just talking about how romance novels and romantic comedies have ruined love for “real people”! talk about overblown ideas!
but i’m like andrea, my hubby is not the one for grand gestures or romantic overtures – but he does surprise me from time to time w/ the little things that make all the difference and while we won’t be galloping off into the sunset down a secluded beach – we will read next to each other on the couch by fire and candlelight and that (to me) is pretty romantic for a wednesday.
oh and it only took me 30 some years as well to realize its not all like it’s written out to be…….
what you don’t see in romance novels is “the rest of their lives” . . . it’s the history you build in a relationship that’s key. the initial butterflies and make out sessions won’t hold your relationship together. it’s building on that with communication, quality time and learning to speak each other’s love language.
Oh how true. Love how you put it too. So blunt but so true!
i’m also a fellow romantic-holic {spelling ?!} ;D
Darhllllling, this is a great realization to have before you tie the proverbial knot! Kudos to you… and your GC
and i think i just fainted. is that “you know whose” twin sister that just commented on your blog?!?!
This reminds me of something similar my friend Mary from Giving Up on Perfect wrote last summer. We definitely need to be realistic when it comes to romance!
i always loved the Rosie O’Donnell line in “Sleepless in Seattle.” it went something like, “that’s your problem. You don’t want to be in love. You want to be in love in the movies.” That described me for a long time. With this new realization, you’re on your way to a long, happy relationship of realistic expectations and nice, little surprises…and don’t sell that short. Within those guidelines you can still find love that’s like magic!
Oh I know what you mean! Unfortunately, I made some mistakes in a relationship because of what I thought love and relationships should be based on books and movies. I blame most of it on naivete but all those rom-coms and Nora Roberts books didn’t help! Like you, now I know what is real. And how wonderful that can be!
So true! I remember totally geting caught up in romance novels and hoping and wishing that my future held some dashing man who would sweep my off my feet and my life would unfold like a perfect fairytale. Well getting married at 17, having a baby at 18 quickly blew any hopes of “a perfect life” out of the water. But thankgoodness for wisdom to show me life is not a fairytale and that I can still be happy despite it.
meant to say wisdom from above