With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I was recently asked if I could be set up (a blog post for another day)
and it got me to thinking about how others view me and my single status.
You don’t get to be 35 and single without many awkward, but well-meaning conversations with the people who love you. Often times, there is the insinuation or flat out declaration that “you’re just too picky.” Sometimes the “helpful” advice takes other directions, can be misunderstood and critical, but honestly, the picky one bothers me the most.
As I’ve mentioned in the past, I feel like the blogosphere doesn’t cater as much to the single crowd, or really to the friends and family of the single crowd. Perhaps you have a loved one who is in my same boat and I’d like to share why I think “you’re just too picky” isn’t all that helpful!
- Telling me I’m too picky makes me feel like you don’t think I deserve the man of my dreams.
- Telling me I’m too picky and that I should “give him another try” tells me you don’t think I’m capable of knowing my gut instincts.
- Telling me I’m too picky tells me you don’t value my opinion.
- Telling me I’m too picky tells me you don’t believe the right guy is out there.
- Telling me I’m too picky makes me feel like you think I should settle because my life alone isn’t as good as being with someone I only marginally like.
Ya, these are crazy bold statements…I realize that. But I also want to be emphatically clear that your well-meaning, loving heart can also unintentionally hurt those you care about.
I feel like I’ve gotten to a really good place with my closest friends and family and that the comments after a failed date or ended relationship are less hurtful and more positive (“that’s too bad, but it sounds like you’ve learned a lot!”). We rarely traipse into the “you’re too picky” conversations of the past. But let me assure you, sometimes in my most vulnerable of places, I remember those conversations and then question myself (“maybe it IS my fault that I’m still single”).
But then I snap out of it.
Ultimately, here’s why I believe that not settling and being just the right amount of picky is quite alright and a-okay:
As a strong-willed, intelligent, successful, tall, not size 2, outgoing, capable, and independent woman, I still inherently desire to feel feminine. A man who I can walk all over, a man who is smaller statured than me (yes, I can feel your eyes rolling), a man who can’t challenge me intellectually or emotionally, a man who doesn’t have a strong drive, a man who prefers me to make all of the decisions, doesn’t typically make me feel very ladylike, womanly, or feminine. I want to feel protected, I want to feel captivating, and I want to feel treasured. And I believe I deserve these things…
I’m not looking for George Clooney…I’m looking for a feeling.
So don’t tell me I’m just too picky because I WISH that were just the case. Something tells me if that’s all I was, it would be a lot easier to find my Mr. Right.