I wrote a post for Beautifully Rooted a few months back about my singleness, desire for marriage and a family, and how I was encouraged by God’s promises. It was upbeat and filled with hope. Based upon the comments I read and responded to, I think it really touched some other women who were dissatisfied with their own place in life.
I hit a low spot this weekend and when I think about that post, it’s almost hard to believe the same person wrote it.
What started out as a funny conversation with a couple of friends about what makes me “intimidating” to men, led me to storm out, get in my car and sob uncontrollably the entire way home. I didn’t feel very filled with hope and in my nonsensical cries out to the Lord, I repeatedly said “I just don’t understand, I just don’t understand.”
Upon waking up the following morning, I felt less unsettled and know that no harm was meant and that I reacted a bit strongly (thanks to an extra glass of wine or seven). I wasn’t even depressed as I had been the night before and realized that I was probably just due for a good cry – but the feeling of not understanding remained.
I’m sure MANY of my friends are in that same boat…over health battles, failing marriages, miscarriage, infertility; the list goes on. And in the midst of the myriad things we’re all going through, the common theme is that we don’t understand why X, Y, or Z was happening because if there was an identifiable problem, we could likely find a solution.
And that’s what makes me low.
We’re not supposed to understand. That’s left to the power of faith, my friend.
You will always be a rock star in my book!
I understand this feeling. Not about marriage but if it isn’t one thing, it’s another. And when you get married, there will most certainly be something else to feel low about.
And that is when we have to turn our eyes on Him.
He knows the desires of your heart Jen and I know He wants to give them to you.
Love you.
Sometimes we get caught up in our own chaos and forget that those we love may be struggling too. Love you lots and thinking about you today!
Love you, JJ. I wish I had been there to cut a switch. Seriously.
I have so many things I have told God that I don’t understand. The mysteries of the bible and of Jesus will never be answered and that is hard to swallow. I think that’s when the call for childlike faith comes in. Let Truth reign. <3
I don’t understand it either, not for you or me. I am glad we’re in it together though and I am READY for the day to come when the wait will be over. And those “you’re intimidating” conversations are such BS and I’m pissed off on your behalf. I’m sure I would have reacted the same way, especially after a glass or three of wine.
Love you, friend. I’m here if you need to vent/talk.
Love you. xo
One of my very best friends struggles with this. I feel so badly for her. I know it has to be hard.
I’m with Rachel – I get the “I don’t understand” perspective. It happens to us all. It always seems as if something is missing or we are missing out on something because WE think we are lacking in some way.
It is all in His hands and His timing and while being patient can sometimes stink (not really one of my best virtues) often times the pay off is greater than any rushed temporary happiness could be.
It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, have babies or not……there is always a time of feeling low and not understanding. I think what’s important is seeing it for what it is, and moving past that point and not dwelling that makes all the difference.
girlfriend.
i know.
i so know.
i think i’m there right now.
in one part of my brain i’m fighting to help feed starving people.
in the other i’m wallowing in my own self-pity of inadequacy over trivial things.
it’s this crazy, how am i both of these girls, kind of feeling.
there may have been similar tears last night.
one little thing.
the lord is CONSTANTLY challenging me to remain faithful to him, to his plan, to his timing.
particularly now.
it’s convicting.