Twice a week, I meet my trainer at the gym for a workout at 6am. It’s not easy going that early in the morning, but with my crazy schedule, it just makes the most sense. Though it’s hard to get going at that time, I’ve come to look forward to the people watching…because dude, at 6am, there’s quite a crowd.

Now, let me start by saying that at 6am, I’m no beauty. I literally roll out of bed with makeup on from the previous day (before you go all crazy skin care diva on me, I wear mineral makeup that doesn’t clog my pores), throw my hair in a ponytail, grab some breakfast and go.

This would be ME:

The ENERGIZER BUNNY is one of the weirdest girls at the gym.

Even my trainer sees her and shakes her head in disgust. For an hour, this gal never stops. She starts at one end of the gym, doing one activity and then works her way to the other end. She always has her earphones in and she must have the highest heart rate in the gym. Because she powers through all her exercises, my trainer says she’s not actually benefitting from the work in the degree in which she could. But man, she’s funny to watch.

There’s also the FAKE BOOB CREW.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against plastic surgery. This IS Orange County and it’s so not shocking. But these ladies’ bodies don’t look like they’re found in nature. They are definitely trying not to become someone’s future ex-wife. Their bodies are rock hard, so those boobs just stand out large and in charge.

Never far away from the fake book crew are the WATCHERS.

These guys think they “own” the gym. They are typically meatheads with a number of objectives. They judge the inexperienced, they size up their “competition,” and their eyeballs become as big as saucers whenever a lady comes into sight.

Lastly, and by far, my most favorite is the COMBOVER GUY.

The first time I saw him, I did a double take. He’s too young to be rocking such a significant combover. It’s seriously INTENSE. And he has NO SHAME in his game. Homeboy does a ton of aerobic activity and when he starts stepping up on the high block, his short little legs aren’t long enough to fully reach so he jumps up and then down. And when this happens, the combover flops over to the side to look like a side pony. OMG – I’ve never seen anything like this and the day he shaves his head will be the day my morning workouts become a little less fun.

Sadly, all the people watching in the world can’t help fix the stupid things I do for the 6am workout shift…you know, like forgetting my towel or undies.