I sent an inappropriate text to a friend earlier this week.
She didn’t have my number stored in her phone and thought it was porn spam.
I told my boss she looked ethnic in an old pic.
She doesn’t associate with her Colombian roots at all and considers herself rather waspy.
I pronounced albeit as “all bite” for years.
I totally get the blank stares now.
After my morning workout yesterday, I got all the way to work before I realized that I left my towel at home again.
I had to dry off using paper towels from the wall dispenser.
I may or may not have a few paper cuts in interesting places.
I sent out a tweet earlier about how mortified I was to buy white zinfandel wine for a guest I’ve invited to the Hollywood Bowl.
Then I realized how douchey I sounded.
Somebody called me Jan earlier.
Instead of correcting him, I just kept walking.