Join me each week for a series called I’VE GOT THIS FRIEND where I’ll share the funny stories about the people in my life! There are a lot of them and they’re so funny you’ll think I’m making them up, but they’re legit…I promise!
THE OFFICE POOPER
I have a hard time peeing in public.
Call it stage fright, call it a nervous bladder, or don’t call it anything…it’s a delicate issue.
Sometimes, when I’m at the office, I pray to the sweet Lord that I’ll have an empty baño to do my bidness.
HOWEVER…
I’ve got this friend coworker, who CLEARLY does not have the same issues as me.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve be trying to get my tinkle on when said individual comes on in and let’s it fly.
There are sound effects that I swear are a joke.
When this deucer get’s going, my freaking shy bladder freezes up like an icicle….even if it’s painfully full.
I start to get nervous and sweat, and then I realize the only option I have is to haul ass out of there and run upstairs to the other ladies room because my business just SHUTS DOWN when she’s in town.
The first time it happened, I was convinced I heard wrong.
I was counting to one hundred with my eyes closed while silently chanting: PEE PEE PEE.
But then she continued with her pronouncements and all chanting stopped.
I had to fake finish, wash my hands, and get the heck out of Dodge.
It has since happened several more times. And I’m convinced I have a coworker with issues that are MUCH WORSE than mine.
The end.
PS – WHO ON EARTH DOES THIS?!?!
While it’s true that some people just have “no shame in their game”, it’s just as possible that your coworker has IBS, Chron’s, or some other gastrointestinal issue along those lines that doesn’t allow her the luxury of holding it til she gets home.
I thought I was the only one that counted with my eyes closed. Though I count backward from 100.
There must be a club for us weirdos!
I have to agree with Scraps. Some individuals have digestive issues they can do nothing about. My brother in law has Crohns and I know it’s a real (literal) pain in the butt for him (and my sister who ends up talking about poop more than she ever would have imagined).
I’m cracking up that another person letting it fly makes your bladder scared – you’d think it would set your bladder free to be her (its?) true self! Hee
Ha! I only wish!!!
Laughing so hard
It’s hard not to laugh when bathroom talk is involved.
ahh there is always an office pooper. we used to have a seperate bathroom at work the ladies used to use to handle bizness. there was only one stall so you would’ve loved it!
no one in my house poops away from home (even the baby) so its always a mad rush to the bathroom in my house. Sadly, I have no shame in my bladder game and must find a toilet if I’m full (i blame the children & my abuse of water for my weakness).
Yes, we have ADA solo bathrooms downstairs…perfect for privacy! ; )
Oh my gosh. I have major public restroom issues which are MUCH BETTER now than they used to be. I refused to use them as a kid, causing great damage, I’m sure.
Anyway. You tell a great story, friend!
I had to put down my coffee I was laughing so hard “fake finish”. At my office we have private bathrooms, one for the gals, one for the guys…problem? Paper thin walls! I’m extremely private about bathroom business, almost 6 years of marriage and we still keep the “two” and “fluffing” private. ( this shocks a lot of people but we try to keep it sexy, and THAT is not sexy). Anyways whenever I visit the ladies room, the water is running.