Ten years ago this month, I signed myriad papers and was given a couple of keys, just like that. I was a young woman woman with a big responsibility. I was excited about owning my own condo, as small as it was; this was where I’d start “real life” and make plans for the rest of my adulthood.
But the plan was to live here for a couple of years. This was my launching pad; I’d only be here for 3 to 5 before trading up.
And yet…ten years have gone by. I’ve not traded up. I’m still the same single girl.
I should be looking back with pride, and trust me…I absolutely am. I still LOVE my home and the changes I’ve made over the last ten years are things to be proud of…this, I know. But I also look back with a gaping hole in my heart.
I should have moved out of here long ago. I should be living in a family home by now with at least one or two kids. There should be an indentation on the pillow next to mine each morning. I shouldn’t have to lug bags to the dumpster alone at the end of a party. I should have help straightening up when things get messy. I should have additional bedrooms with little mini night lights glowing as I walk by before heading to bed each night.
And these ten years suddenly feel much longer…and lonelier. And I forget to be proud when I live in the land of the shoulds.
But here’s the thing about the land of shoulds…they only perpetuate more sadness.
Rather than celebrating my achievements, success, or improvements, I dwell on the things I don’t have.
And I forget to be grateful…which is the opposite of what I want to be.
Because I am SO THANKFUL for the roof over my head…for the parents who helped me with the down payment…for the friends who encouraged me…for the friend who served as my mortgage officer…for the friends who helped me settle in…for the friends and family who have spent time here making my house a home…and for the Lord who chose this home just for me.